i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
