i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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