is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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