i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
