Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
