goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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