I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
