Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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