I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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