puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
