just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
