i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize