I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
