Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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