I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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