My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
