thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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