I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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