You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
