Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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