I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
