hotel room ftw
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They have beer where we have blood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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