Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
