This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What a dumb baby whore.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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