thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
