bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
