hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
