How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
