that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
