Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
