He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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