see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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