Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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