oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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