Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
