Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
