The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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