god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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