It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
