I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
