Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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