went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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