billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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