We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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