Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
