My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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