Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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