At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
