Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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