I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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