I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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