Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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