so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
