i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
