Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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