yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
