im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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